Saturday, 04 April 2009

  • It is all about the Attitude

    It has taken me a long time to learn something about attitude. I realized lately how thankful I have been since the day my son was born and how much I have changed outwardly.

    Sure I have heard this so many times that the positive you are inside, the positive you are the outside. Like a sponge, so I always look at it. And it is so true about the saying, "You are what you eat."

    As I was saying, lately I wake up in the morning and the first thing after thinking how much I wanted to continue sleeping, I thanked God for everything. I know it has a lot to do with the new baby and moving to a nicer place, though it is not exactly bigger... however I have not found myself in the dump.

    Like I have been struggling with as of late. But the funny thing is, usually this takes practice and a lot of self-discipline. Maybe with the new baby and the move, the load has been lifted from my shoulders and I have found myself  giving up in God again.

    I knew for a long time I have been depending on myself and that was the error of Christian life. Though that is the weakest part of my walk in God. Forgetting that I needed HIM and not to depend on myself to get through life.

    Ever since we moved to Arkansas, things has been really amazing. But there was a lot of bumpy road since. Then suddenly after the baby's birth and the move to new apartment, something changed.

    I cannot figure out what has changed but I will not spend all my time trying to. I am only finding myself more grateful. Sure, I am still a  grumpy moody lady time to time...

    The first night Joshua returned to work after baby birth [in the new apartment] [he was on the paid vacation from work.] I knew my old self would be craving for company, longing to have someone [adult] around. Usually I would have felt lonely and sad.

    But I found myself thinking, "Wow, when I am usually lonely or sad, I am moping around but instead I find myself thanking God for everything and getting around the house freely."

    What changed?

    All I know is that I feel more positive, happier  and free. I am no longer feeling the need to depend on myself and rely on my emotions to get through life.

    For years I have struggled with depression and on and off I have taken types of medications to help with mood swings in the last 10 years... things were still in the gloom for me.

    But when I had suspicious of my pregnancy, I completely stopped cold turkey on the medication. For about three months or so, my moods was horrible, I was the monster in mask.

    Slowly, I was returning to myself. But I was still seeking God depserately with losses. I couldn't find Him, I couldn't connect with Him, I couldn't feel Him or see Him. I couldn't hear Him.

    I read devotions all the times as of late, but beforehand, reading them would have just gone past through my mind. I wouldn't have gotten the grip on the reality of what's going on.

    And now that I am finally getting back with God, everything is starting to make sense. Though I cannot say that the past few years made any sense, to why all this has happened.

    But the changes, are all making sense. God is really amazing. Gotta love that Dude!! Seriously, what is life without God? It is really blessing to have Him in our lives. I am ever more grateful for all that He has done to me and for me.

    God is good!

  • Choose Identity

  • Give eProps (?)

  • New! You can now edit your comments for 15 minutes after submitting.

About this Entry

Who recommended?